1. Gardening gloves have nothing on black-dyed mulch.
2. Handy Hubby’s Danger Ranger can hold ~1 cubic yard of mulch per load.
3. Even though a professional landscaping company says it will take 4 cubic yards of mulch to cover your mulch beds, you can do it with 2 cubic yards if you spread it on thinly.
4. Spreading mulch is a great way to get some time to yourself. Neighbors and kids won’t even bother messing with you should you need some help.
5. Spreading mulch isn’t too bad. It’s the hauling, shoveling, wheelbarrowing and dumping parts that suck.
6. Spirea looks fantabulously lime green against a black backdrop.
7. For a self esteem boost, a woman need only visit a landscaping supply business. It doesn’t even matter if you are smelly, sweaty, dirty and breathing heavily…whistles and second glances will ensue.
8. Beach towels are a better alternative to white bath towels when showering after spreading mulch all day.
9. Three-year-old and six-year-old boys think helping their mama spread mulch is cool for about 5 minutes.
10. Spreading mulch burns enough calories to justify a #1 Big Mac Extra Value Meal from McD’s.
11. Spreading mulch is a good way to entitle yourself to your first ever manicure.
12. Deodorant is no match for 85° weather + hard labor + my armpits.
13. The mailman doesn’t give a @*$! if you have been shoveling mulch for 5 hours straight. He still wants you to walk out to his postal truck ASAP to sign for a package. And he will honk at you twice to let you know he’s in a hurry.
14. My eyebrows don’t do a very good job of keeping rivers of sweat from stinging my eyeballs.
15. If you need a reason to justify buying new shoes, just wear your old ones to spread black-dyed mulch.
16. It takes about 13 fillings of this water bottle to keep me hydrated when I spread mulch in hot weather.
17. Capri leggings leave weird tan lines.
18. I look like I’ve been working in a service garage all day after spreading mulch.
19. It takes me 6 hours to unload and spread 2 cubic yards of mulch.
20. My groin sweats?!
21. I save $100-$140 by picking up and spreading my mulch versus having a professional landscaping company deliver and spread it for me. That means my hard labor is worth about $16-$23 per hour. Not too shabby.
images: Dana Miller for House*Tweaking
DIY