Dearest Outlet Find Chairs,
I know it’s Valentine’s Day and all and I’m supposed to buy you tacky flowers, burn your favorite meal, shave my legs and wear matching bra +panties BUT…
I don’t know how to tell you this so…I’ll just tell you. There’s someone else.
I’m sorry. You’ve changed.
Ever since you started dropping upholstery staples a few months ago for Mabrey to pick up and stick in her mouth, we’ve drifted apart. You’ve become a liability. I can’t have someone like that in my life – or at least in my living room – right now. I have my children to think about. I need someone more dependable, more responsible, less likely to puncture my baby’s intestines.
I wasn’t looking for someone else. I promise. It just happened. What’s that you say? What’s he got that you haven’t?
Well, he sort of reminds me of a modernized, new-and-improved you.
For one, he keeps his staples to himself. He’s in good shape and takes care of himself.
His tufting is more subtle.
His legs are way sexy.
He’s a family man. He hugs me and my kids all at once. Something you never did.
He firmly supports me. He just gets me. When I’m with him, it’s like I’m wearing my favorite heathered tee.
He and I are good together.
Can we still be friends? Maybe you could live in my bedroom. Or would that be weird? Too awkward?
P.S. – If you decide to go, I completely understand. Just please give me back the SD memory card that I lost somewhere within your frame months ago. I know you have it. I can hear it tumbling around when I shake you.
FYI – I was the winner of a $1,000 gift card to Thrive Furnishings in Apartment Therapy’s Room for Color 2012 contest. I used the money to purchase the Taylor chair in expectation grey. So, clearly, this guy is as much yours as he is mine. All of a sudden polygamy doesn’t sound so bad, does it?
My contributions to the Hey Girl meme…
images: Dana Miller for House*Tweaking